Serving Others Also Means Caring for Yourself

The last couple of posts have been about the value of enhancing our calm and the new medical research that supports taking time out every day to engage in focused relaxation.  However, there is a procrastination factor that prevents us from internalizing it and taking this advice to heart no matter how relevant and useful it might be to us (and I think it is useful to everyone).  It is very difficult to initiate a change that is not addressing an immediate problem in our daily life unless there is some type of dramatic event which we responding or reacting to.  I think that this dilemma is at the core of many of the problems in the West.

But let me focus my attention on the population that I think needs to take all of this information about relaxation into account... society's helpers.  I did not go to school for social work, or think I would ever be involved in that that type of work, but I have often landed at non-profits that serve people in some capacity.  Social workers are wonderful people with beautiful motivations in their approach to career and in wanting to serve the community, but as good as they are at helping others they are often equally bad at caring for themselves.  I have often been shocked at the coping strategies for stress that I witness from the group of people who are suppose to give advice to others in need of support or redirection in their lives.  I use "social worker" in a broad way here.  All professions that are working on societal problems or working with people struggling with difficult circumstances all are included in who I'm addressing here.  Actual social workers, therapists, teachers, nurses, doctors, police officers, fire fighters and even civil servants, government workers and people working in the justice system are all dealing with stress involving other people's lives either at a systematic or individual basis and are engaging with people at challenging points in their lives.  I believe that for people in these professions taking heed of the research about the benefits of making time for relaxation is critical and should be taken up immediately.  Because your capacity to help or bring wisdom and compassion to a situation is limited by your stress level and what you are bringing to the situation.  The key point is that the best ways you can support others is by truly caring for yourself too.

The role of helper or healer can be challenging and draining.  Working with people is frustrating and helping to improve people's lives is often a slow and circular process where the same issues keep coming up again and again.  It is essential that people dealing with the struggles of others engage in a very real and consistent practice that heals themselves and produces the calmness and the clarity to endure through the slow process of change.  After all if you are on the edge of burnout how good are you going to be at helping others?  If you aspire to change the world in a positive way good intentions are not enough.  We need to accept our limitations and do something about them, not pretend that we are not deeply affected by what we encounter in our work.  If you believe that people can change for the better and improve their lives, then first experiment on yourself and prove it.  See if you can change your coping mechanisms for dealing with stress to more positive ones.  Can you quit smoking, have a better relationship with food or alcohol?  Can you take the plunge and start an exercise routine or begin sharing with a counselor?  Trying to address your habits will give you insight into the obstacles of helping others and what a struggle it can be to change.  More importantly, it will help restore you so you bring your best self to your work and your life.  Replenishing your inner resources is critical in social work and will make you a better support for others.

It isn't selfish to spend time on yourself, you should think of it as improving the main tool that you are using to bring positive change to the world.  If you wanted to cook better food one of the things you might do is buy better pans and knives.  You would pay attention to your tools and materials and this would help determine the quality of the outcome.  This is really the same concept.  People in these  professions have such an opportunity to be models for the people they work with and others in the same professions.

Please don't misunderstand.  This is not a call for you to be perfect or even aspire to be.  We are all human.  What is important is to not neglect ourselves.  I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to commit to doing something like this every day.  I meditated off and on for about five years before I resolved to commit to a daily practice, and now that I am the father of an infant transitioning into a toddler, I am lucky to meditate twice a week.  But what I am committed to is trying my best to having a balanced approach.  Taking up self care is supposed to reduce stress and create health in your life.  Thus, approach this task with compassion, patience and a recognition that steps backwards are often part of moving forward.  The work you do is so important to all of us whether you are a teacher, counselor, social worker, caretaker, healer, etc.  So please deeply consider the benefits of calmness and the relaxation response and think about taking up a practice of some kind.  Please pass this along to people who you know who might need to hear it.

The National Association of Social Workers (NASW) conducted a study in 2004 that indicated a lack of self-care among social workers.  Here is an article discussing the problem which I think applies to all of us in this society to some extent, if you want more on this topic give it a look.  The Profession Must Prioritize Self-Care


And again here are basic instructions for initiating the relaxation response and list of other equivalent activities: http://www.massgeneral.org/bhi/basics/eliciting_rr.aspx